The Question of Recurrence

Emotional Support After Cancer

You are cancer free.

Perhaps you have had rounds of radiation, chemotherapy, immunotherapy or body-altering surgery.

The staff at the cancer centre congratulates you. They are genuinely happy for you. You have survived and it is mainly because of them. You respect them and love them. For a while afterward, you miss them. They have become elevated to a level of reverence you never would have understood before. They are a key ingredient in the soup of your survival, and now you must say good-bye.

You may go out for a celebratory meal with family or friends, or have a little get together. You may have some days of thinking, “This is over, I made it!” Everyone is happy and expects that you will be okay now. Onward and upward!

And then, at some point (usually fairly early on), it hits you. The shadow. It may start with a pain, ache, or symptom of some kind. The most benign thing.

And the part of you that is still quivering in a dark, scared place works that shadow thought like a loose tooth.

Is it? Could it be?

Think of someone who has a bad car accident. The next time they try to get in a car, they may be reminded on a base, body level of the danger. They can feel anxious, scared, panicky. They may have physical reactions as their body re-experiences the traumatic experience of the accident. Most of us acknowledge the careful work and emotional support that must go into resuming driving after a terrifying accident.

Cancer treatments are a little different from accidents in that they are often a long-term assault on the body, mind, and spirit. A time of painful, scary treatments and procedures. There can be permanent physical changes.

For survivors, there is an important period of recovery that is not often acknowledged; this is our concern here in this newsletter.

Adjusting to a changed body and feeling safe in the world in this time after cancer can be like getting back into a car after a bad accident. You were going about your life, driving smoothly along, and your body handed you this tumour or illness. Who is to say this body is not going to do this again? And how did you know that it was happening? What twitch or creak made you aware?

Of course we become hyper-vigilant! We have to keep this undependable car on the road.

I was in this place of anxiety and panic for quite a while after cancer treatments, torturing myself with thoughts of a recurrence. But one day I awoke with a realization:

I have to live my life as if I will never have cancer again, or I will never get out from under this shadow.

The realization came quickly, but the work of living each day as if I will never get sick again is a constant practice. Because, like so many worries and fears, the thoughts come up. So we have to learn how to deal with the thoughts. 

I call this theme of thoughts “Cancerland.” When they show up I say, “Oh hello Cancerland. I don’t want to visit you today.” I tell myself I am under the care of an excellent doctor and that I am getting my regular screenings done and that I will deal with any problems as they arise. Then I pivot to something else.

Remind yourself that you will deal with any health problems as they arise. There is no need to imagine future issues and ruin this day.

Each time Cancerland comes up, I go through this process. The opposite of going through this process is a downward spiral into feeling sick or thinking I will be sick again soon. And I am a firm believer in putting your focus on where you want to be, not where you don’t want to be.

We must not neglect feelings, though!

Unhooking from spiralling thoughts is important, but you still must acknowledge and support your feelings. I know this to be true because I have seen the damage that comes from repressing emotions and “moving on.” 

None of us have been encouraged to grieve, mourn, or jump up and down with joy. We are usually socialized out of expressing emotion by the time we enter elementary school. And so a sensitive, essential part of us crawls away, gets exiled and shut out. We start to logic our way through grief or fear, ignoring the emotions underneath. 

So unhooking from difficult thought themes like Cancerland is important, but it is not the only thing you must do to ensure you are not making yourself sick with worries about recurrence.

We must make time everyday to check in with our emotions.

We must give the emotions space. We must make ourselves notice them. What am I feeling right now? How do I feel in my body? Are my muscles tense, does my stomach ache? What is showing up? Name the emotions, notice the sensations, sit with them for a bit and feel compassion for the human self. Always knowing that these are emotions that need to be held. They will quiet after a time and slip away, and we can go about our day, lighter and more content.

The only emotions that hang around are the ones we push away. We often do this unconsciously! Learning to acknowledge and support emotions is key for dealing with traumatic or difficult life events.

During cancer treatments we are very focused on surviving. Often we have a treatment plan. We have a series of appointments, treatments, procedures, scans…. We can methodically march through them and cross them off the calendar one by one. Our logical brain may be front and centre and our emotions may be buried. But the time after cancer can be destabilizing and lonely as the emotions find their way toward the light.

Emotions and worries need to be dealt with during this time of recovery. It is important for us to talk about it, so that we can support one another through it.

A Daily Walk in Nature can Help Process Difficult Emotions